Yesterday I had another in a series of chats with Nolan’s preschool teachers. Conferences are tomorrow and I expect the dialogue to continue. The general tone of our talks goes like this: “he’s very bright and articulate, but there’s no real way to get him to do what you want him to do unless he’s willing.” They’re not at a loss for how to handle him, by the way—this is a mutual observation among the three of us about his general nature.
The one teacher—a former journalist—says she’s continually amazed at his vocabulary. She’ll joke that most of the kids will make these monosyllabic requests and then Nolan will turn his “velvet painting kid” eyes up to her and make a fully formed statement, like “I do not want to use that instrument right now,” and her jaw will drop. The other teacher is a former Montessori instructor, so I’ll be sure to ask both of them about him tomorrow. Anyway, the first teacher suggested that we not only have his abilities tested but that we consider a 5-day-per-week academic program next year because he could handle it and would probably thrive.
This stuff wasn’t even on my radar for Nolan. He cares not a bit for socializing, unless you count the two older brothers across the street, who are both 7 and Jackson’s playmates (and also our potential source of potty training “currency,” since we’ve told him if he pees and poops on the potty, he’ll get to play across the street with the “big kids”). He’s not friends with anyone in class, and whenever I ask him who his favorite friend is at school, he’ll shyly reply, “Ms. B.”
All of this is fine with us, by the way. I’m not worried about Nolan, but he is unique. He really marches to his own beat, and always has.
I have one friend with years of teaching experience under her belt who is not a fan of Montessori, particularly because of the socialization aspect. But the thing about Nolan is, he’s not really interested in socializing right now anyway. Kevin and I have jokingly referred to him as “our Montessori kid” because he’s so independent. “Give him a hot plate and get him potty trained and he could get his own apartment!”
I don’t want Montessori experience to ruin his chances at socialization. Then again, he’s not getting as much from this preschool as he likely would with a more involved program like Montessori, except for learning some important social rules—sitting still for circle time, walking in line, taking turns. I don’t want to reverse that progress. So it’s like I’m struggling between encouraging his intellectual curiosity and independence and strengthening the important social skills he’ll need to thrive in a traditional school environment.
This particular Montessori does go through the end of middle school, which does provide an alternative option. But I tend to feel, based on watching the experiences of the children of friends and relatives, that Montessori is better for younger kids and becomes detrimental to some older kids (trying hard not to paint with too broad a brush so please, keep panties un-wadded).
Parents, educators (including home & un-schoolers), interested or experienced folk out there, what do you think? I can offer more detailed info about Nolan’s personality and aptitudes if you’d find that helpful. Ask any questions you need to in comments and we can continue the conversation in another post. I’ll also be asking other parents and teachers I know about this and will report back some things I’ve learned. I’m interested in hearing it all: good, bad, ugly, indifferent, no sugar coating. We’re not married to any option besides the one that will come to feel best for Nolan James.
